Longing ....     by Yoriko Dixon Friday, 10 June 2011


I am sitting on a porch in the morning of the day after. I am looking at my garden... I see Volsch laying down on the pebble on the approach, couldn't move. Resting to gain strength to come up these 2 steps. He is looking at me...

I moved my eyes to where I helped him to check other corner of my garden. I can see him sniffing the ground trying to go to bathroom. I am helping him supporting his hind quarter which keeps collapsing under him.

 

I moved my eyes again upward to the tree tops. Beyond that I see patches of blue sky.

Breeze went through the branches and leaves rustled. My view suddenly blurred. I can' t see ... every thing is blurred.

I close my eyes...I feel warm tears rolling down my cheek. I know he is not here this morning... not tomorrow either...

I opened my eyes. I see Iva, ... his bride... I look toward my kennel. I see 3 young dogs...his 2 sons and a daughter ... all spread out on the grass in the shade... but I can't see my big white dog looking at me longingly through the fence asking me to take him back in the house... I feel pain ...

It is quiet here on my porch... all I hear is bird chirping in the woods. no cicadas any more... they must have died out by now...but my ears are waiting to hear a scratch on a door from inside ... I will ignore that scratch ... until I hear his soft voice reminding me that he is waiting for me to open that door to let him join me on the porch... I wait ... I wait ... but it is silent. I don't hear the sound that I want so much to hear. I know, I will never hear that again. I feel a rump in my throat... pain in my heart. Tears roll down on the tip of my nose...

I can't see. I can't see... I can't see what I want to see. I can't hear. I can't hear ... I can't hear what I so desperately want to hear...

I am crying without a sound, just let my tears silently roll down on my face hoping to wash a way this void feeling... longing to hold you again in my arms.

 

Majenkir Krasivi Volschebnik     March 17 2000 - June 9 2011

Copyright 2013 Krasivi Borzoi.